Riley's Ramblings
by RileysHell
Summary: Random, short, and not connected to any of my previous stories. This is just some of the things that I write, most of them out of the blue. No beta.
1. Time Stamps

6:15

Alarm goes off, Jane rolls over and slams her hand on the phone. Accidentally turns off the alarm.

8:10

Phone rings. Frost. Jane says fifteen bad words before call is over.

8:53

Jane arrives at BPD. Cranky. Frost and Korsak need to recap the meeting to her. Maura comes up with coffee. Jane forever grateful.

9:14

Jane trips in the stairs, bruises her right arm. Takes the elevator the remaining floors to the morgue.

9:25

Done complaining about her morning to Maura who offers a comforting hand on arm but picks wrong arm. Jane says five more bad words.

9:30

Takes elevator back up to Homicide. Stands perfectly still the entire ride. Doesn't rush out as usual, but careful steps when door has opened. Korsak rolls his eyes at her entrance.

9:31

Maura texts her apology one more time, just in case, before resuming autopsy.

9:42

Frost and Jane head out to resume the hunt for a witness to their latest murder. Jane lets Frost drive. Maura almost sends a third text.

10:33

Maura calls Jane but no one answers. Frost and Jane wander the streets in search of their witness. Korsak chats with Angela down in the café.

11:49

Maura calls again to see if Jane wants lunch. Still no answer. Maura finds it odd. Jane and Frost discuss the likeliness of them finding their witness. Korsak tries to call Jane. Then tries Frost. No answer.

12:02

Maura goes up to Homicide, meets Korsak. They exchange failed attempts at reaching the detectives. Decides to try one more time before going out to look for them. Same result.

12:04

Korsak and Maura run into Angela in the lobby. Korsak comes up with a believable lie.

Jane and Frost head back to the car. Drives back to headquarter.

12:19

Frost and Jane enter BPD, go to the café for coffee. Angela says Korsak and Maura left a few minutes ago. Frost and Jane exchange looks in the elevator.

12:23

Korsak has really no idea where to drive. Doesn't tell Maura who once again tries to call.

Frost sets a new record at paper ball basketball. Jane shakes her head while writing down the distance on the board. Angela finds a new recipe she has to try.

12:34

Maura is about to get hysterical, and Korsak calls Angela and finds out the duo has returned. Maura gets angry instead.

Jane is getting hungry.

12:43

Jane and Frost go to the Robber for lunch. Korsak parks the car in the garage. Maura hurries out and to the elevator.

12:45

Maura goes back down to the café, frustrated and mad.

Jane notices Frost's phone isn't in its holster as he takes off his jacket before sitting down. Mocks him but then gets mocked back when she takes off her jacket to reveal an empty holster on her hip.

Angela finds out Frost and Jane are missing and yell at Korsak for not telling her right away.

12:48

Frost and Jane decide to take lunch back to BPD. Try to figure out where their phones might be while waiting for food.

Cavanaugh overhears the conversation in the café and seriously considers retiring before ordering Korsak and Maura up to Homicide with him.

12:55

Korsak tries to do some computer magic to locate the phones, but fails. Goes to find someone who knows that stuff. Maura paces until the heel on her shoe breaks.

13:05

Jane and Frost get in the car with their lunch.

Computer guy locates Frost's phone.

13:09

Frost and Jane take the elevator up to Homicide. Greeted by one frustrated, one furious, and two worried faces. Jane says two more bad words.

13:10

Maura blurts out how worried she was before starting to cry and heads down to the morgue. Jane wants to follow but is stopped by Cavanaugh.

Frost feels like a moron when he realizes his phone has fallen under his seat in the car.

Angela gives Jane her well-known "I worry about you every day because you're a cop"-speech. Jane doesn't listen.

13:13

Korsak makes Frost locate Jane's phone. He sighs and says he's going out to lunch after seeing the result.

Cavanaugh wants to know how they both could lose their phones at the same time. Both are clueless.

13:17

Cavanaugh is getting to old for this shit and closes the door to his office.

Frost starts eating. Jane heads down to the morgue.

13:19

Maura sits by her desk with her broken shoe in her hands. Jane enters. Picks up her phone from the couch. Maura glares at her. Jane starts the apology-speech.

13:20

"I broke my shoe for you!"


	2. Heads or Tails

**A/N: **Inspired by the song "Heads/Tails" by Hotspur.

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><p>My limit is four. All this time I have been wondering how many men could enter her life before I crashed. It is four. The wall that keep me from telling her everything is slowly torn apart, brick by brick as I watch her disappear off to another date. A new man, a new slap in the face, and the strength I need to sit through the recaps is wearing thin. No one wants to see the object of their affection head out for a date, in a beautiful dress, looking as stunning as always. And you certainly don't want to hear all about it the next day. I know that Tim was invited in for drinks, but never saw him again. I know that Dave had a habit of interrupting people all the time, even her! I know how Greg pulled out the chair and held the door for her, but couldn't take no for an answer. And I know that James treats her like she deserves, and I know they are out on their sixth date tonight.<p>

How do you tell your best friend that you love her? How do you explain that you want to be the one to make her smile, take her out to dinner and kiss her in the rain? I stare at the dark street while I try to figure out what I will do when she gets home. All I know is that I can't take it anymore. I can't watch her slip away from me without trying. Maybe it will ruin our friendship, but I'm pretty sure I can't be in love with her and still be her best friend if she rejects me tonight. Maybe it's for the best if I run away after tonight. Maybe I need the distance.

I'm sitting outside her front door when they show up. Her smile is visible from far away and makes me smile while my heart is in pain. It's a strange feeling when your heart doesn't see the same as your mind; the man by her side. She's holding his arm while they talk and walk slowly. For a second I feel bad that I'm about to ruin her night. Her smile fades away when she looks up and sees me.

"Jane? What are you doing here?"

They stop a few steps away from me, and reality takes over. I can't speak, I don't know what to say and I just look at her. She has a concerned look on her face.

"Is everything okay?" she continues.

I slowly shake my head and sigh. She immediately turns to James, and he smiles.

"I'll call you tomorrow" he says before he gives her a kiss on the cheek.

Of course he has to be a freaking gentleman. As he leaves, Maura walks up to me, takes my arm and pulls me up. She doesn't say a word until we're safe inside.

"What's going on?"

She steps out of her shoes while I desperately try to come up with something to say. But I have no idea how to explain anything. I lean against the wall, and to make things even worse for me, she comes up to me and places her hand on my arm.

"Talk to me, please. What's wrong?"

_[Call it in the air, heads or tails]_

I know I'm stuck, it's too late to back out and I suddenly feel sick and want to throw up.

"I don't know… it hurts. I can't do this anymore, you, him… I can't."

She's clearly trying to put the pieces together, and I have to fight the urge to wrap my arms around her while I look at her. Every inch of my body wants to pull her close.

"What are you trying to say? What hurts?"

"Everything" I sigh and step away from her.

"Being so damn close but so far away. Seeing them come and go, fearing that one of them will stay…"

I walk over to the living room, but I'm too nervous to stand still, so I start pacing. My hands are cold and I rest them on my face for a second, imagining they can somehow calm me down. But it doesn't work when Maura sneaks up on me.

"You're talking in riddles. I don't know what you mean."

I pull away from her as she's about to touch me again and hurry over to the other side of the room.

"Who is 'him'?" she asks.

"Who do you think?" I snap back.

"James? What does he have to do with you, and this?"

She tilts her head like she always does when she's frustrated or confused, and I realize that she actually has no idea what I'm talking about.

"You really don't know, do you?"

It comes out more sarcastically than intended which she notices of course.

"Know what? You're talking about coming and going, close and far away and something that hurts. I can't read your mind."

I stare at her from across the room and my pulse starts racing when I think of what I'm about to do. It only takes a few long steps across the floor before I'm standing right in front of her. The concern in her eyes is quickly replaced by surprise by the lack of space between us.

"Ja-"

I know she's about to say my name with the voice that makes me do whatever she wants, so I kiss her. I force myself on her, as tenderly as I can, and let my head and worries rest. She doesn't move at first, but I can't seem to care. All I care about is the touch of her lips and how it seems to eliminate all the muscles in my body. I feel like I'm about to crumble. And then she starts to back away. My arms immediately wrap around her and keep her from moving.

"Don't pull away…" I whisper.

"Jane…"

I cut her off once again with a kiss while she tries to break free. But I'm too strong for her, and she finally gives up, only to look down and move her lips out of my reach. I take what I get and plant a kiss on the top of her head.

"What are you doing?" she asks softly while she puts her hands on my shoulders, trying to push me away.

"I can't stand watching someone else trying to steal you. I'm done trying to fake interest in your dates. I hate them."

Her head falls to my shoulder, and I can hear the pieces as they fall in place in her head. She slowly shakes her head and her hands still.

"Jane…"

"No, don't 'Jane' me. Not like that. It's not fair!"

Her head snaps back up.

"Not fair? No, it's not fair! You can't ambush me like this!"

Her voice gets angrier with every word, and I have to fight to hold on to her as she tries to push me away. Somehow I knew this would happen, I was prepared. Or so I thought.

"You can't just waltz in here and…I don't even know what you're doing!"

She gives me a final shove and breaks free from my arms. By the time I'm done mourning the loss of her in my arms, she's in the kitchen looking out the window. I carefully follow, but make sure to stop a few feet away. I can tell she's crying just from the way she takes a deep, trembling breath.

"I don't think you know what you're doing" she whispers.

"I know exactly what I'm doing. I'm following my heart and taking a risk" I reply.

She's hunched over the sink with her back to me. She shakes her head, again. The silence is so overwhelming that the sound of a tear hitting the sink is painful.

"Why? Why now?" she whispers.

"I couldn't take it anymore."

"No. Why now? Why not three months ago?"

She turns around, revealing teary cheeks.

"Why didn't you do this three months ago, before I managed to convince myself that I was nothing more than a friend to you?"

_[Heads we go to London, and try to save the Queen]_

I'm pretty sure my jaw hits the floor when I realize what's behind her words. But my heart doesn't understand as quickly as my mind, and I walk over to kiss her, but she pulls away.

"No… don't…"

"But… why?"

"I can't do this now, Jane."

She slips past me and tries to dry her eyes.

"Do what? You just said you felt….something for me!"

"I did…"

It hits me, and it hits me hard. She _did_. I feel my whole body crumble into a pile on the floor. She looks sad, but I tell myself not to believe it. Just to shield myself from any more pain. Or so I think.

"That's it? Whatever those feelings were, they are gone?"

She doesn't answer me, doesn't even look at me.

"Maura…"

I take a step closer.

"Am I just your friend now? Can you look me in the eyes and tell me there's nothing left of those feelings? That I'm the only one feeling this."

I carefully place my hand on her arm, hoping she'll turn around.

"You're my best friend" she whispers.

"You have been from the beginning. I tried for so long to find clues, to see if you could possibly feel the same for me. But you never treated me any differently throughout the years. So I stopped torturing myself and accepted that you loved me as a friend…"

I watch as my thumb strokes her arm. She's cold and I step closer, wanting to keep her from freezing. But I can't seem to close the final gap between us.

"I've probably loved you for years, I just didn't see it. You should've told me."

"How could I've known that?"

She turns around to face me, still with the saddest pair of eyes I've seen.

"You're right. But you know now."

I take a chance and close the distance, wrap my arms around her. She doesn't move at all, and I rest my cheek against the top of her head.

_[Tails we go to Paris, and try our hand in romance. I need a chance to show you, I can take you anywhere]_

"We have to try, Maura. We're so good together."

"You don't get it, Jane!" she complains.

"What if we don't work? What if we crash and burn?"

The fact that she's still in my arms and even resting her hands on me is a good sign I have to believe.

"You don't do what if's" I point out.

"I know, but this is more important than some stupid theory. This is real. You always throw yourself in situations without thinking. You see things black and white. This is not black and white. This is us, our friendship. The very best part of my life is at stake."

"And it can be so much better!"

I force her to look at me.

"We just have to try…"

A new tear falls down her cheek, and I resist the urge to wipe it away. She starts shaking her head slowly, and I watch her getting ready to shoot me down once again, but I can't give up.

"Look. I'm not rich, I have to work my ass off to take you to Rome or Paris or whatever. But I would do it without a doubt. I can't spoil you with all the things you deserve. I can't even cook a fancy dinner or pick out a wine that you like. But I sure as hell know how to love you like you deserve to be loved."

Once again she breaks free from my embrace and walks away only to stop and look at me.

"I can't lose you Jane. I don't know if I dare to take the risk. But I need to be alone now. Can you please leave?"

Her voice is ordering me, while her body language is asking. But the look in her eyes is begging me to leave, and I can't understand how she expects me to walk away right now. Every inch of my skin wants to feel her, every part of my body wants to curl into a ball and stay in her arms forever. And she wants me to leave all that behind and walk out.

"Please, I need you to go…" she whispers.

I run my hands through my hair and take a deep breath. Then I force myself to turn around and walk away. I realize as I shut the door behind me, that my entire future is in her hands.

_[So call it in the air]_

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><p><strong><em>PS.<em>**_ I know this might not be the ending you want, but I don't know if there ever will be a second chapter to this one. So I decided to let you make up your own ending/evt chapter two :) _


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